Oct 23, 2009
Whoever follows this blog, i just feel that there's a need for me to update this thing, in case the admin would think that:
1) lost my password
2) have a new blog, which i don't
3) ultimately- dead
so yeah, obviously i'm still alive and kickin'. pretty ironic that make fun on people who are overly romantic- my older posts actually reflect the same one me. oh boo. it's okay, leaves a good memoir.
obviously being in a stable relationship for the past 2 1/2 years have thought me a lot things, and i guess i do see things differently now. sometimes it's the little details that keep things strong, and life has been fair, i couldn't ask for more.
put my ego aside, still love ila very much, and grows even more! :) so no, my previous ramblings aren't just notes of a hormonal-imbalanced-youth/teen/loser. but i might need to edit on her personality though- yeah, time unfolds a lot of things :P
Smile, i know your reading this! Loves
Posted at 12:04 am by thenuddin
Jul 23, 2007
having a single note of thought just turns around my gloomy days to better ones, and just hearing her voice makes me feel warm. a sensation that i have not felt before.
it's amazing as days past, my feelings towards her just grows more and more. at the point where i tot i couldnt give more love, it just keeps growing, and i hope this goes on for a long long time.
early in the morning is the time of inspiration, and all that i need is just a note to remind me that i'm being loved dearly! there's someone who i love who showers me with all this, and i just wanna tell the whole world how much she means to me! to a point that words can't discribe.
yes, i'm in love :)
Posted at 08:31 am by thenuddin
Jul 21, 2007
being 10 days in melbourne is like parting with kamilah for a long time. i really miss her,and i never thought i would miss someone as much as i miss her.
the weather is kinda cold, and i'm rather freezing here. the gloomy environment is not helping to get me through this.
20072007, was quite and interesting date for me. i just found out that clubbing is definately not my thing. i'd rather chill in a jazz bar, sit somewhere secluded whilst gazing the stars. something tat i really miss back from the kyuem days. it's by trying new things i get to rediscover myself and strengthen my beliefs. there are at times when i question my ownself. sometimes i acknowlegde that i am boring. but i'd rather be myself- most of the time quiet and don't follow others. i have nothing to complain, as i have someone who really loves me for the person i am. i couldn't ask for anything more!
i'm grateful that my gf is not shallow, something which i think keeps us going on, and i hope for long long time :) I met some ppl which i just don't know what to talk about . after a short chat, silence. it's sad when ppl don't see things in depth, and the only thing that concerns them are all the things the eye can offer. drinks and fun. there is no end to it. i'm happy with what i have, and having kamilah just completes everything. i have a religion, family and possibly a wonderful future wife :)
i'm a realistic person. i do not make promises which i know i can't. darling asked me to promise that i'll kiss her goodnite everyday, even when we are old. i want this to happen! it's strange within just one year, i know a person soo much as if i've know her for a lifetime. at the same time being very comfortable and no pretentions. geniune love. true love. i want to believe :)
Posted at 03:08 pm by thenuddin
Apr 30, 2007
yes, today is the day where my sweetheart finally reads my blog :)
i'm touched bout the things she said to me, and i guess, things that play in our minds are really just doubts and fictional. i wont let these things bother me anymore....
i'll keep this updated. we'll never know, one day we might get married,looking back at these anecdotes will make us appreciate each other more.
i love you ila... :) from the bottom of my heart
with a smile
Posted at 02:16 am by thenuddin
Jan 20, 2007
it is always the hardest thing to stand up after a big fall. n i'm going to thru it.damn, i;ve lost what i wanna say. sudden blank
Posted at 12:20 am by thenuddin
Jan 10, 2007
sometimes when i think that things are about to get better it just stays in a plateau. it doesnt change, just stagnant. i wonder are some people's feelings as such.
i've been trying my best, for months.trying to know her better, and each every small bit i know bout her, the more i like her.it's been awhile.guess it's gone furthur.i wouldnt want to mention the word.
i get hurt when i mention certain things and she doesnt take me seriously, yet at the same time she claims that she's not fulling around.
i love her, and i can love to my fullest.if she just gives me the chance.i was sick of being treated this way and i'm bound to see it happen again. when your all sincere about certain things, these are about the few things that come in return.
she's a wonderful person.brains and beauty-and i see a fragile,sensative person deep inside her;for her,which seems to be the hardest thing to share.i just effortly text her and call her everyday to see how she's doing, even for just one minute.hoping some day she'll show her true wonderful self. in a way, i guess these are the few things that keep me going and not giving up. but at times it does get tiring when u do something and u dont anything as a return.i'm not a robot. i have emotions, and i hope for something mutual.
i want someone to look forward to, care, and share my hardships with. every morning waking up with a sense of importance and closing my eyes at nite with fulfilment, making someone happy, and known that i'm being loved.
at the moment i'm sad, which i am not supposed to be.
am i just a bystander,
looked upon like a golddust,
only to reflect light,
upon that time adored,
alas to be forgotten,
when light reflects on others.
am i just a bystander,
for able i am to say,
'God she's beautiful'
watching her from a distance,
am i just a bystander,
for which i shine,
and just washed off,
when not in need,
am i just a bystander,
when i only ask for love,
and nothing comes in return
yet still, missing, hoping.
Posted at 12:10 am by thenuddin
Jan 4, 2007
i woke up this morning witha horrible dream, well, as usual, i dont need to mention about who. it was rather disturbing when i called her on top of my lungs, and she just walked away from me, not even a glimpse. it's sucky when you have the highest hopes on someone, and at the end of the day, you are just being let down by the person you could possibly love.
commitment,fear or emphaty- these are the few words that linger around me each time i think about the issue.is she doin so because she wouldnt think i would commit, or she is in fear of this whole relationship thingy.in worse case scenario, emphaty towards me.i've no clue.
it had to fill in some AsiaWorks form earlier on, and it was i gave myself as gringe, looking at this statement RELATIONSHIP_ (rate 1 to 10). i gave myself a 6, lowest of all other fields.coz yes, i do think the current status of my love life is in a big sinusoidal graph.giving all the best of yourself towards someone not receiving anything back. it had always been this way, and i am sick of taken for granted.
i talk crap, and at the end of the day, i cant make sense of myself.typical contents of a confused mind
Posted at 04:04 pm by thenuddin
Dec 14, 2006
everyday, or more precise, every hour i would look at the handphone, waiting.whether an sms from her would beep into my phone.it's sometimes sad to just see 'maxis' written on the screen, as i would hope for something more.i would rush to the phone, thinking it was her msg, usually ending up with disappointment.everyday, i pray that she would feel the same.i wouldnt want to be the only one being a fool, just typing out letters, at the end of the day,treating me like some other guy.
but it was a different thing tho today.haha, she sent me a msg...after 3 LONNGGG days.so i guess such questions are just things that bother me; i'm thinking too much.the lingo.
just HAD to not msg her, wanna test her whether does she really care.haha! :) she does.
it is the time where i cant stop thinking of her, esp moments when i am alone, or before sleep. these days, i wake up with a purpose. having to look forward to something. and hey, it's a semi-conductor graph! my love life's never been so good! ;)
the day shall be, when i have her hands wrapped around mine, and my shoulders light as ever, supporting her head.enjoying the quiet moment watching a nice movie or scenery.the only thing i would want to wish for, at the moment. ;)
Posted at 10:02 am by thenuddin
Dec 13, 2006
i have finished reading possibly the best book i've read, The Color Of Water by James McBride.
so much to say bout it, which i shall give comments later. in the meanwhile, this is something worth feasting ur eyes and soul.i'm inspired!hehe
Posted at 12:52 pm by thenuddin
i'm back in kl within a very short notice, few hours and we drove back to kl! midnight driving, kinda interesting, karak's my personal fav..can drive fast,sharp turnings,good handling. reminds me of roller coasters!
i've waited sometime for msg, but still nothing much, altho received a msg, 2 days ago.oh, it brightened up my day. simple things make me happy.
btw, i was kinda convincing for the fact that i was the 1st person she msged when she got there.before i delete the msg in the inbox, this was what she texted me on the 10th!
"its cold here bt not as cold as i thot.im still surviving..!hehe.bt d bad news is dat i kinda miss u alrdy.. oh noo..! haha. later deerku!"
oh yea babey!haha, but why is she still in denial. she's giving me mixed signs. i'm seriously confused.
i sometimes wished that she would really know my feelings deep inside.i sincerely like her, and i hope one day she'd feel the same way.
i'm just waiting for her msg to tell her how much i miss her.
(damn it's just been a few days!)
Posted at 12:26 pm by thenuddin